EVERYDAY IS FRIDAY AT MCDONALD'S!!

So here I sit, it what could be called the “smack dab” middle of my life (assuming I live to be 82, which could happen).

As I review my life I look back and see with great clarity the times when I chose the wrong path; the times when I should have taken a different option or made a different decision. These were pivotal moments that have gotten me to where I am now. We all know that there are pivotal decisions that you make throughout your life that will forever alter and change the course of your life. Usually they are fairly obvious; decisions like should you marry someone or should you attend college. Other times though, the pivotal moment may be very obscure and hard to recognize. These are the scary ones, the hard ones, the ones that you wish had a red flag that popped up and said “WARNING – the decision you are about to make will alter your life forever!”, because without a warning there is no way to know that at some point father down the road you will be looking back thinking; “that was the moment that I changed the course of my life!”.

Of course, there are times you make the right decision too and I can recognize those as I look back. I will always be grateful that I went back to college and worked hard to achieve excellent grades. I will always be glad I had Zoe despite the fact that I was not getting along with my boss or husband at the time and all indication were that it was a terrible idea to bring another child into my situation. I will always be glad that I divorced Randy, which sounds awful, but really I am sure it was the right thing for all of us; including Randy and the kids.

You can’t go back and redo your life or change those decisions, you can only go forward and hope that you have learned from the past and will make better decisions for the future.

As I think about the future and what it holds for me I get scared that I won’t recognize the important decisions or that I will make the wrong ones. I am surely not as optimistic about the future as I should be or as I was about the first half of my life. It seems terrible to feel that it is too late when I am only ½ way done with this life……..yet for the most part I feel that it is too late for almost everything.

I am very excited and feel totally blessed that I get to have another child and I am sure that the decision to have her is not one I will regret. I sometimes think it may turn out to be the most important decision I have ever made. But other than this baby, the future looks bleak and empty and I really don’t know how I am supposed to fill it or make it fill me. I have 40 years to go and no plans to go with them!